Or put in my mouth

Tastes sour and tart

Like mold

My head has

A sharp pain

And my world

Feels slow and

Distant. Confusing

Things keep growing

From my skin

And I expect soon

Other things

Will begin to

Fall off

I feel like

I should stay

Away from wet

And warmth

For fear of speeding

Up the whole

Rotten process

 I have a girl stuck in my head that I could not convince

 The food tastes like plastic. Yellow.

 I hate being here alone, but can think of nowhere else

 I really want to be either

 If I don’t pay rent

 This puzzle will solve itself

 Smoke. Put on some old music.

 Drink. Try to talk to people I don’t know, and wont.

 Think about hauling everything I own to the dumpster

In the parking lot

 Where kids lighting bottle rockets

 Remind me I am independent

 Take a look, hell climb inside

 Here I am, time for the reveal

 A gaping hole where a tired

 Withered heart is still

 Barely beating and lungs

 That are forced to breathe air

 Against their will

 Hands that could not learn

 To quit petting burning dogs

 A mouth sewed shut to prevent

 Words from causing self-inflicted

 Injuries, unnecessary pain

 So step up, get in line

 I won’t hold back

 Take your turn, see what you can do

 I’m ready now

 Cause somehow you still see me

 A person you never even knew

 With a full, blood red beating heart

 Lungs that live to breath life

 Every second of it

 Hands that can melt the coldest shoulder

 And a mouth that speaks

 The sweetest words

You’ve ever heard

 So step up with your delusions

 And I won’t hold back

 And in time

 You too will come to know

 My demons and my pension

 For constantly slipping

 You will come to know

 The fucked up scenarios that

 All added up created

 The shadow of the man you see before you.

 The next time the world is slid from beneath me

 Still falling

 Just not caring

 Or at least giving it

 My best damn shot

 How did you get so grotesque?

 I feed you so little

 Staring out the window

 A life sentenced mental patient

 Neurotic and ready to run for the door if opened

 If you got out there it would terrify you

 We both know you are defenseless

 Yet you act so goddamn independent

 I clean up your shit

 So don’t act so surprised

 When I leave the door open

 I would have nightmares that she left me for him

 That woke me in cold sweats

 Swinging my arms, trying to yell

 But only a faint whisper

 And she did

 Now I sleep alone, when I can sleep

 Last night I had a dream we were running away together

 Her hand in mine we kissed parked on the side of an unknown road

 I awoke in a dumb stupor

 Does this mean anything more

 Than the fact that

 I am a perceptive wishful thinker

 And she still does not know what she wants

four months spent trying to figure out

what happened yesterday

and how to fix it by tomorrow

the cold hard slap of reality

stops me short of walking into the pointless sea

of course standing here alone

watching those that i parallel for so long

running into the dark consuming waves

and watching her follow the same path i followed

will take the joy from any sunny day at the beach

 jagged and stinging with oxide venom

you bit me

cant say I blame you

 I was ripping and cutting at the last of your remaining organs

 all wires and rust and rot now

you wont be needing this

not the last injury you will inflect I’m sure

blood sweat and tears right?

a fool in the eyes of others

meeting somewhere in the middle

to create the sicking feeling of complete normalcy

A saint in one breath

and a destroyer of dreams

with the next

in the end no ground is gained

nothing has changed

in the end we remain the same.